Monday, January 30, 2012

Scars

“We meet people, and fall in love, and when we part they leave marks for us to remember them by. Our lovers sculpt us, they define us, for better or worse. Like a pinball, we slam into them and rebound in our different directions, propelled by the contact, and after the parting we might be scared, stronger or more fragile, or needy, or angry, or guilty, but never unchanged. Our lovers linger inside us, like ghosts, haunting the corridors and deserted rooms, sometimes whispering, sometimes screaming, but always there, waiting...” - #BeingHuman

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Available

Single married man is looking for naughty times.  Please take note that this sweet gentleman WILL and CAN skip out on work (he must love them quickies) for the *ahem* "right girl"

I give him an A in the honesty department.

Now, if only all men where this honest, we would know what we are dealing with.

Friday, January 27, 2012

POOF!

Well, this is something that got a chuckle outta me (because I am NOT the recipient of it, of course).  I kinda wanna text it to someone... but I won't... but I want to!!! ... but I won't.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Freedom

""Freedom" its just a pretty way of saying you've gone off the grid. For better or for worse, you're out of options. But we call it "freedom," we write songs about it. You probably crank them in your car, and never thought about it much. Some people think its exhilarating, not having your future mapped out. Others start to drown in all that nothing. Maybe you'll enjoy for a moment the purity of doing what you want, when u want. Beer for breakfast, sex in the afternoon. But obligations sneak up... duty, moral code. Some of us are wired to put ourselves back into cages. "Freedom" is just that moment of calm before the dread sets in. Because no matter what you freed yourself from, you only get so far down the open road, car windows down, music blasting, before you are forced to take a turn, make a choice, and sentence yourself to the next adventure." - #BeingHuman

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Peeves

“Great” guys come with annoying habits. I can’t help that I get turned off by the littlest things. Sue me if you can, HA!

When dating, one can’t avoid certain people until after you met them. We’ve all met the assholes, the douches and the players. The “magicians” and the stalkers. The aspiring actors and musicians… You name it we’ve met them. Now this post is not to be focused on the negative traits of a man, but how a “positive” can be viewed as a “negative.” Here are three examples:

Subject No. 1 – The “LOL” guy
I guess he liked to laugh out loud a lot? He was nice. Attentive. Talkative. A lil short for my taste (5’7”), but overall, a good guy. He lived with his mom (which is a no-no for me), yet, I was willing to overlook that “flaw” and try it out. Then I come to learn he’s a serial texter. 24/7 texting left and right, and with every text he sent, there was always that “LOL” right at the end. Was he really laughing when he told me he went to get a haircut? Or when he said he likes to drink coffee? Or when he said he wanted to see me again? *sigh* You get the drift.

Subject No. 2 – The “You’re great” guy
Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. This one was a nice guy too. From out of state which made him appealing to my eyes. A lil too eager to please me though… to the point of doing things he was obviously not into just to make me “happy.” What that really did was send me away… far away from him. That, and the fact that he would say “You’re great” every twenty minutes. I don’t know about you, but I don’t need to hear how great I am two to three times per hour. I look into his eyes, I’m great. I hand him a napkin, I’m great. I light his cigarette, I’m great. I smile at him, I’m great. I fucking fart, I’m great. *EYEROLL*

Subject No. 3 – the “R U Ok?” guy
A friend making fun of the situation.
Have you ever gotten that middle of a work day text from a guy that you couldn’t reply to, and then he sends two other texts as a follow up to his first one? Only to send a fourth one asking “R U Ok?” Well, no. I’m not Ok. Sadly I’m at work. Busy. Swamped actually. I want to murder everybody around me cause I’m in a pissy mood, and quite frankly your constant texting while I’m trying to concentrate in the gazillion files I have to go through while working on that God forsaken spreadsheet… is not helping. How about when he sends you the “R U Ok?” text after you have been unable to reply for about an hour because you are in the middle of doing your errands or while tending a long phone call with your mother. Why wouldn’t I be ok? I’m going about my day and trying to do everything I need to do because I have a date with you tonight. I’ve also gotten the “Are you mad at me?” text from this same guy when I was unable to reply to three of his texts when I was at the movies with a friend of mine. Yes, I did tell “R U Ok?” dude I would be at the movies. Now, why would I be mad when I’m having a good time with my friend?

Clinginess and adoration are sooooooooooooo not necessary in a relationship. Not a new “one” or an “old” one. I am an individual. Strong and independent. Maybe independent to a fault, but I find that being one of my best traits. I am looking for someone to compliment my life, kinda like a cell phone add-on works. I am not looking for someone to complete me since I came out of the womb whole.

I suppose these guys would be an amazing fit for those females that need constant attention and emotional reinforcement. Me? I. AM. OK!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Permission to buy you a drink

“… so I walk in and my first impression was, wow this dude has spent way to much time at taco bell, he def was a few pounds over and then some, but hey I'm open-minded…”

A friend of mine goes on a date with a regular looking guy. She was feeling a lil bit under the weather, but decided to go on this date anyways. She walks in. He’s at the bar drink in hand. She approaches. They go through introductions, and then he keeps drinking. She waits a bit. Nothing happens. WHERE’S HER DRINK? She announces that she’s going to order a drink, to what he awkwardly replies “oh, hmmm. Would you like me to get it for you?” At this point in her mind (and in mine had I been in her shoes) she KNEW this was going nowhere. She calls the bartender. Orders a glass of wine and pays for it herself. Drinks it… and goes home right after. Her mind is made up. She will never see this guy again.

Why would this DUFUS ask for permission to buy a woman a drink. Shouldn’t that be like an automatic thing? Don’t get me wrong, a guy should never order a drink blindly, but if your date is right smack in front of you and you are thinking of ordering yourself a drink (or already have one by the time she arrives) and you are a MAN, you SHOULD ask your lovely date if she wants something to drink. Its that plain… and simple.

Funny thing is that this idiot dared to call her for a follow-up. Pretty ballsy don’t you think?

If only women would stop breeding weaklings and sorry ass excuses for men. Call me old fashioned if you may, but I still think it sexy when a man takes charge.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Say that again?

I've had online dating profiles up for YEARS, but this is my first time at OkCupid.  I've been there for about a month and... I just have to laugh at this shit.

In the twenty something days I've been a member of OkCupid, I have received a total of FIVE messages and a bunch of "Quivers" (whatever the fuck those are).

So riddle me this... If I'm among the most attractive people on the fucking website, then how is it that I have not received (1) more emails, and (2) been asked out on a date.

Either OkCupid is full of stinking SHIT, or... there's a whole lotta ball-less males out there a/k/a BITCHES.

Guys... FIND YOUR BALLS PLEASE!!!

Thank you and good day!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Husbands Store

A friend forwarded this to me the other day. After printing it, reading it, and sharing it with a few selected people in the office, I decided to share with you... Because we all need a good laugh.

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1- These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2- These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

"Wow." she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex,have big jugs and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Changes

Today I am feeling a ‘lil blue. So, instead of writing a rabid rant or an angry complaint, I’m simply going to diary my feelings… here.

Ever since I can remember I’ve been a loner. I enjoy my time alone. When I was a little kid, I played alone, and I was happy. I remember my mom always “complaining” about how I always only had one friend. I never really cared. I was happy with having that one friend. And so I dragged that trait of mine until 8th grade, when my circle of friends grew to the grand number of four. Now, don’t get me wrong. I knew other kids, but I only confided and cared for the very few I held close to me. In High School my circle of friends grew, and in college I went back to my “old” ways and my circle became smaller… more quaint. After graduation, I moved to the States. Who would’ve known how hard it would be to make friends as an adult… In a country somewhat hard to understand. But I made my way, and I’ve met wonderful people. Today, I have a total of four close friends (three girls and a boy) who I very much care deeply for.

Recently, a friend who I learned to love like a little sister revealed that she was working on getting accepted at some grad school on the West Coast. To better her future. To become independent. I was extremely happy for her. I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY FOR HER. I also felt a little sadness since her moving to the West Coast means that I won’t get to see her for a while. She won’t be around. I wont be able to grab a drink with her, or go shopping, or cook for her, or have slumber nights (cause yes, I am an adult, but I do enjoy movie nights with an ice cream bowl in hand and maybe a cup full of booze in the other.) Regardless, I am happy for her. I hope she gets accepted in that school. She deserves a better life.

Yesterday another close friend dropped the bomb that she was too thinking of moving… TO FUCKING IRELAND… THIS SUMMER! This Summer?!?!? OMG this fucking Summer!!! When she leaves, (oh my dear friend), who am I going to voice my complaints to? NOBODY gets ME the way she does. NOBODY understands the dating shit I go through like she does. FUCK, we go through the same shit! IRELAND?!?! I will miss you terribly. I keep telling myself “we have email,” but it won’t be the same. Nothing beats having her across the table from me, narrating horror dating stories, laughing till our abs hurt at our men misfortunes. Who am I going to text to tune in Discovery ID to watch how horrific humans are? Or to tune in channel whatever to watch Celebrity Ghosts Stories (or any ghost show)? WHO? Regardless of this, I know and totally understand why she’s doing this, and totally support her decision. But I can’t help being saddened by this news. I wish her well, and hope she finds what she’s looking for… what we are ALL looking for.

There you have it. That’s two of my close friends leaving in 6-8 months. Two friends I love dearly. Two friends I don’t want to lose. What am I going to do without them? All I can do now is try to spend as much time with them as I can, and strengthen our friendships bond, to endure the absence and long distance.

Good luck to you both in your future endeavors. I’m pretty sure our paths will cross again in the future.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Seriously!

Specially when dating! HA!

Well good for them!

Thanks to Twitter and @Nadiaherpes (I *cringe* at that name) I discovered a new online dating website targeting specifically those that have STD's.

Well now, isn't this nice? Would work to perfection IF people were totally honest with themselves and went straight here [and not infest another human body] than going to regular online dating websites.

I don't have any type of STD's but if I did, I would definitely try this one out.

If you have STD's then just go HERE and find your match!

KUDOS to whoever came up with this idea.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

"...gift to the universe"

You saw right.  He's not wearing pants.  Yes.  He is wearing his birthday suit.  Yes.  Naked.  Hand covering dick and all.  I can't help but wonder what would drive a guy to post a picture of him naked on their online profile and I simply don't get why the website allows such a thing!  Aren't there websites out there for this type of shit?

You have to read what he wrote tho.  I made this picture big for that reason.  Take a look at that last paragraph... its a kicker!

Needless to say, I REPORTED HIS ASS!

90 Day Contract

Now HERE's a book I'd buy.

And I might as well just do that. Sounds interesting.

UPDATE: I bought the book about 30 minutes ago. Can't wait to receive it and devour it! (Not literally, of course. I don't feed on paper. That would be weird.)

Anywhos, here's the author's facebook.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Three way?

I'm not so sure how to feel about this.  I mean, yesterday, when I received this email I felt appalled!  Then I forwarded it to a friend of mine and she proceeded to say "I would just take it as a compliment , just think you attract both sexes."  Ok, she's right.  But I already knew I'm pretty.  I mean, I'm not saying I'm "drop-dead-gorgeous" or that I think I'm stunning or anything like that, but I know I'm not ugly.  Whatever, the point is, that I find it really annoying to receive this type of email (and I get this type of email a lot - from married men usually, not from a married couple) all the time.  I can't help but thinking, if I were married, that could be my husband.  there are SO MANY married men online, looking to meet other chicks its scary.

How am I supposed to believe in "love" or "marriage", or even have a "monogamous", "trusting" relationship with someone when I know all this crazy shit is going on out there.

What is a girl to do?

Saturday, January 7, 2012

FFFFF???

No fucking clue what "FFFFF" means but take a look at this picture on the right.

Yeah, this is a single man, with a public online dating profile, sharing this... uh.... picture, with potential girlfriends.  Now, I get it...  She's your Best Friend Forever but...  I'm sorry, but this picture doesn't give me any good feelings.  

I'm not the jealous type, but, seriously???  This is the type of picture I would take with a boyfriend of mine or someone I'm dating and certainly not with a "friend".

Looking a little too cozy over there.  Maybe dude should take down the profile and date his "friend"?

I dunno...  In a world where everything is no longer black or white, and where "lines" get blurred left and right, and in a world where I keep getting propositioned by taken men, this type of profile picture really rubs me the wrong way.

Am I overreacting?

Cats


Well, I just learned that not liking cats (BECAUSE I'M FUCKING ALLERGIC) makes me an "extremist" at its highest degree.  I learn something about myself every day.

Can't wait for the next retard to show me the light.

I just made my profile public a few days ago and I already wanna take it down!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Just a hole

Some jokes are better to be left for when you actually KNOW someone.

I mean... I have never corresponded with this guy.  I don't know him at all.  So why is he sending me an introductory email saying "Lets make some babies"???  Lets add, had he even bothered to READ my profile, he would have seen that I do NOT want to have kids. 

This is a bad start... Baaaad start.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Back on the dating train

Well shoot me now and put me out of my misery!

It's a new year and I just found out, once again (after throwing in the towel for a few months) that dating doesn't get any better. No matter with what mind-frame I come into it, the results are the same. It's mind boggling. The question keeps popping in my head... "ARE THERE ANY "NORMAL"-REGULAR-RESPECTFUL-NICE-HONEST MEN OUT THERE?!?!?!!"

*sigh* Nevermind I asked that question. Moving on... As i was saying, I am back on the dating train, and with that, my online profile up and public. A lot more simpler, a lot less words, a lot less honest... a lot mellower... Lets see what bites.

In the meantime, while browsing the swamp of online profiles, I found this: >  >  > >

Hmmm... You think this qualifies as one of those "Things I will regret in the next two years" type list? I think so.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Oh boy

So I've decided to put up my online dating profile again.
You think I'll need a bigger one?  

Here I go!  Let the [word of choice here] times roll!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Dumpsville

Well it's a new season of The Bachelor.  Being Monday and all, and having nothing better to do, why not watch?

I have to admit I enjoy watching all these... um...  emotionally unbalanced, catty, ridiculous, petty women compete for the "love" (more like attention) of one man that got dumped on the very same show, on national television.  Heartbreak and rejection is bad enough when you go through it behind closed doors.  I can't even imagine what type of desperation will move these women to go through the embarrassment of being rejected, played with, and used by some idiot.  Ok, a hot idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.  Whateverssss.  Makes for entertaining TV... Hell, I'm watching!

One scene caught my eye while watching the show and doing some "research" for this blog, where one of the contestants is talking about how her last boyfriend broke up with her.  He did so via text saying "Babe, welcome to Dumpsville... population... YOU."  Total douche!  I can't even imagine how I would react to such text.  Lets just be happy that has not happened to me.

Kinda made me think of that Sex and the City episode (now how GREAT was that show!?!?) where Carrie got dumped via post-it.


Ladies... we are not even worth a face to face break up nowadays.  Sad notion.  Sad.